Catch up!!

Hello to my friends/family reading this: yes it's been sometime and oh SO MUCH has happened. I would like to blame the lapse in blogging on the SO MUCH that happened to me between August 2012 and present day. Life took precedence over my blogging indulgence. But I've recently accumulated some time to hopefully get back to doing this update-y thing again. X Fingers Crossed X

When last we left, I was in the first trimester of pregnancy. The pregnancy was a total and complete success. I never had "too much" of an issue. The end result was my specially beautiful and oh so sweet Jenna Beth. She was born March 6, 2013 at 4:06pm and weighed 6lbs 6oz. I was in and out of the hospital in under 36hours and felt like superwoman!!!

January of 2013 was rough for the Butler side as they said good bye to Jess Butler, James eldest Butler cousin. Though I did not know Jess well, his loss was felt by all the Butlers, close or not. What a sweet man to be gone too soon.

Just 3 days before I had my Jenna Beth, the matriarch of the Abel family finally passed. Bless Evelyn's heart. James' grandmother was such a lovely woman. Without her I would not have my own two beautiful children.

About 6 weeks after the birth of Jenna, the Abel side of James' family unexpectedly lost Uncle Roger. I knew Roger before I knew James. I loved him every minute. He was such a blessing to all who knew and loved him. I can remember repeating "what do we do without Uncle Roger??" over and over.

The same day we laid Roger to rest, my own grandmother (gramma) took a turn for the worse. After much deliberation my mother and I decided it was best to stop treating gramma with medication that would prolong her life. The quality of that life had dimenished 10fold with the collapse of her backbone upon her weakend spine. It was a difficult decision for my mother, but we held each other and prayed and we had faith that it was time to stop prolonging the pain. Along with stopping the daily medications, she was approved for hospice. Gramma was scared but when concious enough to speak, would say that she was so ready to let go. Finally, on May 30, 2013 my loving, beautiful, cherished gramma let go and let God. As sad as I was, the immense relief that she was no longer in physical pain helped tremendously. I miss her daily. She was so much a part of my life, I still find it so hard to know she isn't there to show me her new teddy bear. She isn't there to laugh at things we did when we were together. But she is here with me, I can feel her. I remember I use to tell her she had eyes like a hawk. I trust those eyes are on my two babies every minute, keeping watch.

About 2 weeks before gramma passed, I resigned from my position at IHCRC. From the outside looking in, most people saw me poised to take on an even bigger responsibility with the staff at that facility. From my point of view, I was constantly being treated like the 20 year old child I was when I was hired. I was never going to be seen as the 30 year old woman with two kids devoting way too much of her life to help a facility in need of new management. It was a decision based on integrity and the need to be a bigger and more visible part of my own family. It wasn't about money or benefits. It was about the quality of my home life.
 **This change led me to a job that I can now say ENCOURAGES DAILY that I be a better mom, and gives me TIME to be with my family** I now work for the before and after program for Broken Arrow Public Schools and I could not be more blessed. I get to be surrounded by such a diverse group of women in the enrollment center, who have embraced me and made me feel like I belong here. 

Inbetween gramma's passing and finding my new work home, I turned 30. I do feel 30, but not like it's a bad thing. Other than the 500 gray hairs that have showed up.

The summer came and Jamie turned 7. --wait, what? SEVEN??? *sigh*  yes, big sister is truly a big girl. She began her 2nd stab at first grad in August and has done soooooooo much better. Being a July baby is always a 50/50 chance that you might have to repeat a grade. At the end first year as a first grader she was the only person that hadn't turned seven yet and it was just obvious. This year has been a world of difference and I'm so proud of her. She absolutely adores her lil' sis Jenna and the feeling is mutual. They play and laugh and converse and it just makes my day joyful to see them together. 

And then September began. My parents were returning from a "Bucket List" vacation to California. My mom retired in February 2013 finally, and with gramma gone, they were finally free to take a drive from here to California for an undated amount of time. Mom texted 20 times a day. She HAD A BLAST. From the trip to the Grand Canyon, to San Diego, up to Wyoming and back through Colorado and Kansas. Mom and Dad both were so blessed for the time and experience together.               

When they returned, my mother began a health downfall that none of us could have predicted or imagined. At first she believed it had all to do with the Lupus diagnosis. She believed as soon as a Rhematologist could see her, she would get better. And then worse things started to happen. Within 6 weeks she went from cruising the country, to being completely dependent on my father to help her stand and walk to the bathroom. She was in enormous amounts of pain. I finally convinced my brother to go to Ponca and go the doctor appointment with her to make them DO SOMETHING because I didn't feel anyone was really working on her problem, and that she wasn't giving the whole story to the doctors about her condition. Sure enough, by that time she was needing dad's oxygen tank to get by and then that first appt Kelsey went to, a CT Scan was ordered. The doctor called mom in on the evening of Oct 15th to tell her and my brother and dad that she had cancer. And not the "yay we caught it in time" kind.--I'm still not ready to type too much of the next 30 days other than to say: We did get her to Tulsa's Cancer Treatment Center of America very quickly, with hopes that the breast cancer had only spread to her lungs. There we found out that it was everywhere. We spent almost 2 weeks holding her hand at their in patient hospital knowing there was nothing we could do. While mom was conscious, she asked to start some chemo pills, but that only lasted a couple of days. There was nothing we could do but wait. It wasn't long. The CT Scan was done October 14th. She passed at 11:17am on November 14th, 2013. I'd like to say it was peaceful, but it wasn't. She was scared, and it was my voice she heard telling her it would be okay, that we were all right there and that it was okay to let go.     And then she did.       

Many people wonder what it would be like to lose a parent. And the truth is, you don't know until it happens to you. And from my side, there is not one thing anyone can say. Literally. As much as I have appreciated and continue to appreciate the prayers and the outpouring of love that so many people have shown. There are no words. She was my mom. She was my best friend. 20 texts a day. 10 voicemails saved in my phone. When she retired all I could think was OH I GET SO MUCH MORE TIME WITH MY MOM!!!. And my babies! Oh my babies get to see her so much more!!                      She was my mom. I do believe she is with me at all times. Like I feel with gramma. But thats all I have left. I'm forced to live on, and hope that I can be to my girls what she was to me for 30 long years.

So here I am, the last two weeks of January 2014. A new year, a new ordinary. A baby to celebrate birthday number one in less than two months. Then another baby to celebrate turning eight. I look forward to peace in 2014. And much more blogging. Back to the funny, less dramatic blogging that this "catch-up" episode had to be.