Catch up!!

Hello to my friends/family reading this: yes it's been sometime and oh SO MUCH has happened. I would like to blame the lapse in blogging on the SO MUCH that happened to me between August 2012 and present day. Life took precedence over my blogging indulgence. But I've recently accumulated some time to hopefully get back to doing this update-y thing again. X Fingers Crossed X

When last we left, I was in the first trimester of pregnancy. The pregnancy was a total and complete success. I never had "too much" of an issue. The end result was my specially beautiful and oh so sweet Jenna Beth. She was born March 6, 2013 at 4:06pm and weighed 6lbs 6oz. I was in and out of the hospital in under 36hours and felt like superwoman!!!

January of 2013 was rough for the Butler side as they said good bye to Jess Butler, James eldest Butler cousin. Though I did not know Jess well, his loss was felt by all the Butlers, close or not. What a sweet man to be gone too soon.

Just 3 days before I had my Jenna Beth, the matriarch of the Abel family finally passed. Bless Evelyn's heart. James' grandmother was such a lovely woman. Without her I would not have my own two beautiful children.

About 6 weeks after the birth of Jenna, the Abel side of James' family unexpectedly lost Uncle Roger. I knew Roger before I knew James. I loved him every minute. He was such a blessing to all who knew and loved him. I can remember repeating "what do we do without Uncle Roger??" over and over.

The same day we laid Roger to rest, my own grandmother (gramma) took a turn for the worse. After much deliberation my mother and I decided it was best to stop treating gramma with medication that would prolong her life. The quality of that life had dimenished 10fold with the collapse of her backbone upon her weakend spine. It was a difficult decision for my mother, but we held each other and prayed and we had faith that it was time to stop prolonging the pain. Along with stopping the daily medications, she was approved for hospice. Gramma was scared but when concious enough to speak, would say that she was so ready to let go. Finally, on May 30, 2013 my loving, beautiful, cherished gramma let go and let God. As sad as I was, the immense relief that she was no longer in physical pain helped tremendously. I miss her daily. She was so much a part of my life, I still find it so hard to know she isn't there to show me her new teddy bear. She isn't there to laugh at things we did when we were together. But she is here with me, I can feel her. I remember I use to tell her she had eyes like a hawk. I trust those eyes are on my two babies every minute, keeping watch.

About 2 weeks before gramma passed, I resigned from my position at IHCRC. From the outside looking in, most people saw me poised to take on an even bigger responsibility with the staff at that facility. From my point of view, I was constantly being treated like the 20 year old child I was when I was hired. I was never going to be seen as the 30 year old woman with two kids devoting way too much of her life to help a facility in need of new management. It was a decision based on integrity and the need to be a bigger and more visible part of my own family. It wasn't about money or benefits. It was about the quality of my home life.
 **This change led me to a job that I can now say ENCOURAGES DAILY that I be a better mom, and gives me TIME to be with my family** I now work for the before and after program for Broken Arrow Public Schools and I could not be more blessed. I get to be surrounded by such a diverse group of women in the enrollment center, who have embraced me and made me feel like I belong here. 

Inbetween gramma's passing and finding my new work home, I turned 30. I do feel 30, but not like it's a bad thing. Other than the 500 gray hairs that have showed up.

The summer came and Jamie turned 7. --wait, what? SEVEN??? *sigh*  yes, big sister is truly a big girl. She began her 2nd stab at first grad in August and has done soooooooo much better. Being a July baby is always a 50/50 chance that you might have to repeat a grade. At the end first year as a first grader she was the only person that hadn't turned seven yet and it was just obvious. This year has been a world of difference and I'm so proud of her. She absolutely adores her lil' sis Jenna and the feeling is mutual. They play and laugh and converse and it just makes my day joyful to see them together. 

And then September began. My parents were returning from a "Bucket List" vacation to California. My mom retired in February 2013 finally, and with gramma gone, they were finally free to take a drive from here to California for an undated amount of time. Mom texted 20 times a day. She HAD A BLAST. From the trip to the Grand Canyon, to San Diego, up to Wyoming and back through Colorado and Kansas. Mom and Dad both were so blessed for the time and experience together.               

When they returned, my mother began a health downfall that none of us could have predicted or imagined. At first she believed it had all to do with the Lupus diagnosis. She believed as soon as a Rhematologist could see her, she would get better. And then worse things started to happen. Within 6 weeks she went from cruising the country, to being completely dependent on my father to help her stand and walk to the bathroom. She was in enormous amounts of pain. I finally convinced my brother to go to Ponca and go the doctor appointment with her to make them DO SOMETHING because I didn't feel anyone was really working on her problem, and that she wasn't giving the whole story to the doctors about her condition. Sure enough, by that time she was needing dad's oxygen tank to get by and then that first appt Kelsey went to, a CT Scan was ordered. The doctor called mom in on the evening of Oct 15th to tell her and my brother and dad that she had cancer. And not the "yay we caught it in time" kind.--I'm still not ready to type too much of the next 30 days other than to say: We did get her to Tulsa's Cancer Treatment Center of America very quickly, with hopes that the breast cancer had only spread to her lungs. There we found out that it was everywhere. We spent almost 2 weeks holding her hand at their in patient hospital knowing there was nothing we could do. While mom was conscious, she asked to start some chemo pills, but that only lasted a couple of days. There was nothing we could do but wait. It wasn't long. The CT Scan was done October 14th. She passed at 11:17am on November 14th, 2013. I'd like to say it was peaceful, but it wasn't. She was scared, and it was my voice she heard telling her it would be okay, that we were all right there and that it was okay to let go.     And then she did.       

Many people wonder what it would be like to lose a parent. And the truth is, you don't know until it happens to you. And from my side, there is not one thing anyone can say. Literally. As much as I have appreciated and continue to appreciate the prayers and the outpouring of love that so many people have shown. There are no words. She was my mom. She was my best friend. 20 texts a day. 10 voicemails saved in my phone. When she retired all I could think was OH I GET SO MUCH MORE TIME WITH MY MOM!!!. And my babies! Oh my babies get to see her so much more!!                      She was my mom. I do believe she is with me at all times. Like I feel with gramma. But thats all I have left. I'm forced to live on, and hope that I can be to my girls what she was to me for 30 long years.

So here I am, the last two weeks of January 2014. A new year, a new ordinary. A baby to celebrate birthday number one in less than two months. Then another baby to celebrate turning eight. I look forward to peace in 2014. And much more blogging. Back to the funny, less dramatic blogging that this "catch-up" episode had to be.
 

Life goes on....

Check it out! I'm back in full effect! Really though, I managed to steal some computer time so I'm all up on this blog.

Personal Update: I am still pregnant! Nope, the baby has not fallen out. Yesterday, James and I went to my first official OB visit, complete with ultrasound. We were happy to see that indeed there is a 10wk fetus about the size of a peanut moving and grooving around in the female cave AND it is indeed only one. 

Gosh it feels good to be back in writing mode! I don't think you're ready for this jelly blog.

When I think of what the next year of my life will entail, I go through many phases. Normally, I like a snack from the fridge, then I'm good to start the phasing. First phase is usually pretty exited. And by that I mean pooping rainbows and unicorns. Thinking of baby names, imagining how great "family moments" will be with a new baby. *sigh*  Then, eventually I head into the "I am woman" phase when every thought I have is rooted deeply in the innate confidence and pride that every pregnant woman feels, because she is embarking on a journey of physical endurance that only women will ever experience. Eventually, after the female empowerment powers down, and I have a second snack from the fridge, I start to feel a little overwhelmed with the knowledge that I will officially be responsible for TWO little lives and heart beats for my next 20 years. This usually makes me slightly nauseated, and I know it's time for a potty break, a sip of water, and a cracker. The next phase is ugly. Some may call it a "hormonal freak out," but I prefer the phrase "battling the good vs evil within myself." This phase contains a lot of crying for no reason, eating more food, laughing hysterically, and being incredibly pissed off at anything in 5 centimeter radius that breathes. All in the span of about 4 minutes. The last phase usually comes full circle into "pretty excited" but with the rainbow and unicorn poop. Contentment may be to easy-going a descriptor, because Lord knows being stressed/worried/battle hungry is the best part of being pregnant so contentment becomes a luxury one preggo mom cannot afford. 

life continues to go on in my world.

Well, hello there! Have you missed me? 

I'm sure you did. So much has happened in the past few weeks. 7.5 to be exact.  There were fireworks, birthdays, and expected announcements. What better excuse to avoid blogging, than that of "the first trimester." 

I recently announced that I'm knocked up again. Given my outspoken comment of desperately wanting another baby clearly on this personal outlet, it was just a matter of time. I am quite happy. When I was pregnant with Jamie Jo there was no time for anything but throwing up and dehydrating myself until I was about six months preggo. Luckily, this baby has seen fit to continue letting me eat. Though sucking all my blood and leaving my brain with little oxygen leftover has seemed to appeal this time around. Thus, I'm not glowing with the ecstatic pride that I feel just yet.  We are looking forward to week 9 when we get to see the baby vampire child for the first time through ultrasound. 


I would love to stick around and blog a bit more, because I do have a ton of material that is bursting to be molded into clever vocabulary, BUT again, due to the lack of blood supply in my brain at the moment, I am not able to focus enough. Basically just wanted my blog readers to know I am alive, I'm preggo, and I will be back to blogging very soon.

The heat is on......

Amory Butler factoid #575--- I hate 100 degree weather. Why???

I sweat. And being a born and bread Oklahoman has never changed my opinion of 100 degree weather. Nor has it changed my opinion of sweating.--I am smack dab in the middle of an anatomy/physiology 101 workshop. Knowing the importance of sweating does not change my opinion of sweating. -- BEWARE --- You're entering the bitchy session of the program --

 Sweating creates an aura of sticky wetness, oh it's sticky tricky! You start out feeling light as air and all of a sudden you weigh 10 lbs heavier. There's an itch between your shoulder blades that no one in the world can scratch on their own. Once you get passed that sensation you're sent into what I call the "hairline itchies." If you're as heavy as I claim not to be, then your cave between you're bottom lip and your chin gets a bit shiny, and likely starts dripping onto the collar of your T-Shirt and you imagine in about another hour you could participate involuntarily for the neighborhood watch party's wet T-Shirt contest. See! No good comes from sweating. --- Unless, of course, you're me and have been successfully losing weight. Stupid sweat. 

FOOTNOTE-- I just got home from my evening walk. Cooled down now. ... I promise.... unfortunately, I still do hate sweating. And 100 degree weather.

Intermission:   ...   ...   ...   .... .... 

Act Two:

Hey ya'll!! WHAT UP WHAT UP??!!

My it's a GREAT day to BE alive!! Summer is here and you KNOW what that means! 

The glorious long days and long nights. The endless supply of Pop-Ice in the freezer. The Oscar Meyer weenies on the grill. The flies who buzz your potato salad or the bees that climb into your can of pop and sting the piss out of your lip. <insert hilarious evil bee laugh> The man next door blowing his grass clippings out of his driveway, which always make my face twist with derision and roll my pupils. Why do people think having fresh mown grass clippings on their driveway is worth spending $75 on a leaf blower to blow the clippings into a pile at the edge of the curb? Furthermore, why do we have leaf blowers? It's nature Yo, Love it like you mean it! What was my point? Oh! Yes, SUMMER. One of my favorite things about summer is just moments away! Fireworks!! And by that I mean, watching from an obvious safe distance. I have been kind enough to let James take care of the show for the last decade. I am Sharon Clark's daughter. Thus, I have a strange fascination with fire, but only if I'm not lighting or standing near the firework. Squealing and SWEATING is involved if I get too close.

After the fireworks show, we all get to enjoy another two days of work. BUT knowing that on Saturday July 7th we will be celebrating (a few days early) the birth of Jamie Joellen helps make the bittersweetness of going back to work all the more worth while. 

Six dadgum years. She's such a good kid. As good (aka spoiled) as any other fancy only child can be at six years old. She has taught me so many things. But the most important lesson has been how to appreciate joy. Whether it be bubbles, interactive television, or the 18th verse of "Wheels on the Bus," she never fails to help me appreciate the sheer joy of life. All the way through that 18th verse. 

This year I caved for the ChuckECheese experience. I GUARANTEE there will be some good bloggage after that marathon of greasy pizza, rich "white" cake, and TOKENS galore. 

See you on the flip side world :)

After that game, here is some light hearted reading.

I thought that after such a devastating loss by my new favorite NBA team OKC Thunder to Miami, I need to revive my hopeful spirit by taking you on a walk with me. To a moment today when hope for a championship series was still reachable. And life was good.




Most of you reading these blogs of mine, should know that I am trying to lose some weight. I'm sorry-- I'm trying to make lifestyle changes to encourage the fat to fall off my tummy. :)


Tonight was probably one of my hardest nights physically. I am so friggin' tired. Most every part of my body aches, but being inspired by my B, I press on.


I started with a bounce in my Nikes, and a step in time with Jennifer Lopez's classic "Dance Again." My goal was to add an extra leg to the tour and make it home in the same amount of time. Seems easy enough. 


Have you ever walked your neighborhood? What a world we have in our suburban Broken Arrow neighborhood!! I am so lucky to have the mostly quiet, pretty safe place to breathe. So, there I am pumping my legs, stretching out the kinks, and ready to hunker down into what can only be described as "the trot." 


First thing I see is the next door boys battling it out as to which way to turn their bikes. "Do we go to your house or mine?" says one boy. Along comes the yorkie from three houses down to shake his head and bark at me, as if to say "At it again? Can I come? Do you have a snack? Oops! Gotta pee and sniff things!"


Coming around the bend of the corner, I see the girl from Jamie's kindergarten class running through a sprinkler with so much force that she slips and falls into the fresh mown grass. What else is a girl with little girl thoughts and feelings to do but to jump back into the fray only to do the same thing over again. What a blessed summer moment. It brings back memories of the turtle at grandma's house that required no technology. Just a water hose and a five year old's imagination.


I kick up the pace at this point, now that I am all content and warmed up. I'm watching the robins fight over grasshopper dinner. I imagine them flying home to make a good stew. The breeze is cool enough to send shivers down the spine, as I may have spent a little too much time in the spaceship coffin as I have a slight burn to recover from tonight. Evidently, the rain we had today did nothing to deter the lawn Natzis' mission to stay green. Almost every other house I pass has a man attempting to water the skimpy spots in their lawn. Several wave to me and I feel a sense of community in my effort to add this next leg of the route.


Lots of heavy breathing, and probably some inappropriate groaning as I head down the hill and back up again. The teenage boy in his driveway shooting hoops can see me shuffling and giggles under his breath as I pretend not to notice he is hearing what I cannot hear, since now Justin Timberlake is bring back sexy once again.


Ah, the burn. The burn in the calves and shins and hips and knees starts to get a little warmer. "TOO WARM AMORY. YOU'RE CARRYING YOUR PHONE. JUST CALL THE HUBBY TO COME PICK YOU UP IN HIS TRUCK. YOU WORK EVERYDAY TO PAY OFF THE LOAN. IT'S A LONELY TRUCK THAT  BEGS TO PICK YOU UP OFF THE STREET AND TAKE YOU HOME. HOME HAS TYLENOL AND ICED H2O" --- "Whoa, what happened? It doesn't hurt as much now. I'm in a groove. Awww look at those two grasshoppers mating on the picket fence. Yay for summer love!"


Puffing and walking in tandem now. I pass the guy who never wears a shirt and should now as he is that shade of sunburn that looks a little.. crispy? 


I have hit mile 1.5 and I'm just so pleased with my pace I could pee. NOPE! Whoops! Don't pee yet! The trees! Oh the trees are so thirsty but look quite peaceful in the breeze. Their shade is my saving grace at this point. 


I hit mile two and the stride is still going strong. Knees are feeling loose but achey, that has to be a good sign, right? More middle aged men out spraying down the lawns. Must be voting on the MeadowBrook neighborhood "Lawn of the Week" tomorrow morning. I'm conquering my fitness lifestyle at this point, I have no room to stress over the shape of my grass or the growth of my outdoor bushes. Lucky bastards. 


2.5 miles, almost home! Just a few more right hand turns and my one small slice of pizza will be there waiting for me. That's right, I'm walking for the ability to eat pizza. Food will always be a motivator for me. I don't want to overcome this. I like FOOD!!-- "What's that? Is that girl on the other side of the street walking too? Maybe I'm inspiring the neighbors!"-- figures, it's the 6 month pregnant woman from down the road who isn't even sweating. She's walking faster than me!! UGH motivation? I think so!! 


Rounding the last bend, I'm grinning ear to ear! Oh I can just taste the unflavored water that is not dr pepper now! I'm so ready for a break, but I gotta keep going, going, going... whoa! here comes the yellow lab, "Hi doggie! Oh aren't you sweet. Ope! You want to dance in the street? Why didn't you say so! My you're tall on your hind legs! REALLY TALL. Taller than me! But you obviously love to hug!" -- At this point the embarrassed middle aged man with a garden hose and powerful spray nozzle is clapping and whistling, with the stress only the owner of a loving large dog who knows NO stranger, can clap and whistle. Have no fear man! That was a the best hug I've had all day!!


Continuing as I wave my goodbyes to "Frank" the taller than me dog, I realize I can see my house! There it is! Not a mirage! It's my home! What a burn, what a day, what a walk!.... I think this as I collapse in the yard by the mailbox. Lord knows the checking of the mail must be done before I can walk in the house. 


I walk in the house to the sounds of a beautiful daughter and her daddy talking about poop. Yep, it's good to be home. Good to be home. 

The me you see, the me you don't see.

Have you often asked yourself, what would Amory Butler do? No, of course not. That would be weird. Asking myself that question would be even weirder. But hey, that's the me you see. What you don't see is that I really do ask myself this question when trying to decide who I am in this world I call my life. 


My life story is only 29 years long. The story is getting good. I've been married for 9 of those years. I've had my daughter for the last six. What a journey!


The point of this blog (finally, Amory--jeez!)
I want to share a list of things you see, and then list a few things you don't see about the world I call my life. (sorry, this is an exercise for therapy-if you don't get it, then go back to surfing Facebook! LOL


Things you see:
1. I am five foot tall, and 2 inches. The inches are VERY important. I call them my lovable inches.
2. I am a natural curly haired brunette.
3. I do enjoy smiling and laughing.
4. I have a body built for laying on the couch and reading while eating Doritos and sipping Dr Pepper.
5. My eyes are my prettiest feature on my face. I do so love my eyes. 




Things you don't see: (the hard part)
1. I have a heart bigger than it should be. The physical heart, not metaphorical.
1a. #1 shouldn't count because even though you can't see my physical heart, that is not the assignment.
2. I am a borderline Lupus diagnosed type person.Truth is I believe I have it, and am being mildly treated for it, but have yet to find a specialist for my woes. I am currently struggling with this fact, but as I have learned in the last six months, it will always be a balancing act between doctors, my activity level, my weight, and so many other factors I don't want to mess with stressing over at the moment. Good news, the new fitness plan has helped immensely. Maybe by living a healthier lifestyle, my woes will not be so overwhelming.
3. I desperately want another child. It's time. Jamie is six and I am ready. I find motherhood to be fulfilling in ways I never expected. 
4. I have a sensitive heart. I want love. I crave it. I am only human. I am not lacking in love the department. I just want everyone in the world to know I love them. Even if you bug me, I still love you. There are so many shades of love. God was so good in creating us with various levels of love. I love you!
5. I enjoy my job. If fulfills me in a way I never expected. I love what I do and how what I do affects the bigger picture. I wasn't looking for anything but a decent wage/8-5 job. Somehow, God led me to IHCRC and has shown me so many lessons in the last 8 1/2 years. Being a part of the clinic, even if most people think all that I do is "insurance stuff" has been a blessing. The mission behind the clinic and it's reason for being drives me to work harder than necessary to be a part of the bigger picture. Some days are harder than others, but that's just life. 




That concludes tonights therapy session. Thank you for reading, whether you were bored or truly interested.

Update!

Hi! It's been a couple weeks since I blogged so I'm here again. In the last two weeks so many things have happened! So here we go, I am living year 29 to the fullest! The hubs bought a fancy new Mac computer. I have been on PC for so long, I am still getting me bearings with the new Apple world. 


Jamie Joellen is coming to the end of her first round of swim lessons. Going to have to buy another month. She is MY daughter, a natural fish who HATES getting out of the pool and LOVES the smell of chlorine on her skin. Grma De tells me she is even jumping off the diving board. Can't wait to get in the pool with her soon!


Work is crazy Brazy right now. That's right, I went there. So many new faces, new software anticipation, and implementation of EHR to get me up and out of bed in the morning!


James is the same. Man=Work, Food, Shower, Computer, Bed. Ya know, the same as always. Oh but he does have the cutest grin that makes me want to love him everyday. ha! bastard.


Gearing up to be bridesmaid in the wedding of the century. B is busy busy planning and giving me the prettiest dress that I have to get altered. What an inspiration B has been for me. I friggin love her guts! I'm on a fitness plan, a tanning plan, and a learn how not to cry at B's wedding plan. So far the plans are keeping up with my busy schedule. I have officially lost 16lbs since April 30th so that's a big accomplishment for my knees and other various joints. Thank heaven for good doctors, drugs, and MY INSPIRATIONAL B!!!


Jamie Joellen has a big SIX year old party coming up. I caved into the Chuck E Cheese idea. Hopefully it will be fun. MY Bella will be here. She's bringing her parents, so the bro and sis will be here too! Plans for swimming in a good pool with the cutest little girls ever! PLUS hello??!! Mama loves birthdays! My Jamie will forever never be five again and as much as my heart longs for the baby days, I'm happy for her to be six. Six was a good year. Many many good memories were made when I was six. I believe that was the year that Disney released "The Little Mermaid" to VHS and I used the red towel on my head and a green pillow case to sit upon my boulder (couch) to belt every word to "Part of Your World" at the top of my lungs. But I digress, Happy Birthday for Jamie yay!!!


That seems to be the most update I have tonight. Thank you, and God Bless!